How Do I Cope With Losing a Parent or Loved One?

Andrew. This is such a deep question. you know, as someone that lost, I lost my father, um, when I was 14 and I just lost my mother two years ago to ovarian cancer. So I don't have either of my parents. I could tell you that coping as a teenager and as an adult are two completely different things. The, my father that seems like so long ago, but I can tell you with my mother walking, writing, and communicating, we're my biggest coping mechanisms. Sometimes I needed time to myself, which would be where I would go to take a walk or maybe just sit down by the beach. Also looking back on pictures and fond memories were also a very important way to help me through. So it's very different though, teenager and adult.

I would say, make sure that you always leave on good terms with your parents ever every conversation and with telling them how much you love them. And you appreciate them. My very last conversation with my dad was on my birthday when he was in the hospital and he was on drugs. So he's a little loopy. So I kind of hung up on him kind of abruptly. I said, I love you. I gotta go, bye dad. But I really wish I would've stayed on the phone with him. Had I known that it was my last conversation with him? I would've. Um, so I do have a little bit of regrets, but time is the best, your best friend, because the longer that you are without them, it's a little easier, the pain kind of Dolans, but still there. So I always remember the good times though. The memories are what keeps you from going insane? I think.

So, um, I'm not sure from a teenage point of view, but I'm in my thirties and I just lost my dad last year. And, um, I was really close to him and it's really hard, like especially holidays. Um, but what I do is I remember all the things that we did together and all the fun memories. And that's what helps me to get past when I'm sad and when I'm feeling lonely, because, you know, I know like. He’s, We made all these memories together. And so I make sure with my kids that I make memories, I don't give them gifts. I give them memories. And so I figure, you know, making memories is the best way to, for people to remember you by. And so I remember my dad and all the things that he taught me and all the things that we did together, and that helps me to get through his death, um, or coming up on his one-year anniversary of his death. And. It was really hard, but you know, you just got to remember the good times.

Hi, Andrew. I haven't listened to any of the other replies. And so I'm just, you know, this is my very first thought and I know that. I'm, and this. Is not common among the mainstream, but I believe in reincarnation and I believe that the soul has a journey of growth and, um, expansion, and that it takes more than one life for that. And I know you can't put this on your website or maybe even talk to your, um, your students about this, but, Oh my gosh. I just think if people understood the concept of reincarnation and the evolution of our souls, um, back to oneness with God, um, that it would just, it may not ease the pain because pain will always be there when we experienced loss, but there would be an understanding that life does continue on.

Andrew. That's a great question. And having lost my mother six years ago, I think the most important thing primarily is to establish very good relationship with the person. Well, people while they're alive, because it seems less, they seem less gone when they pass away. So, you know, my mother and I were very close, so she passed away, but it just doesn't feel like she's gone because she has such a big impression on me. And the other thing is I think people spend more time networking and building relationships for their jobs and business. I would think that you should build the same kind of rapport and relationships concentrate on your personal life, your family and friends and building those relationships so that if a loved one or a parent passes away, you have a strong network to support you. So, yeah. Great question.

I lost my mother when I was nine years old and I can empathize with you, uh, in that way. And you bring up a valid point, um, in regards to strengthening personal friendships versus all the business friendships. And you're right. I believe as a society, I don't know. Certainly I do, but as a society, I think that's, uh, speaks volumes for everyone and to work on that. Thanks.

Mitch. I could not agree with you more. I think I learned my networking skills because I networked within a huge family that I have. Um, and when my father passed away, I was the one that was, I mean, I was still upset and crying and stuff, but I was more collected than everyone else because I was sitting there with no regrets. I had vacation with my father. I had spent time with my father. There were so many great memories that I could draw from where as unfortunately my brothers, you know, didn't bother to do that. And so, um, I still miss him tremendously. Um, when I got married that image of a father walking a daughter down the aisle I didn't have, and I had a child and he didn't get to be a grandfather, but I think I still draw back on all those awesome memories that I have. And I feel lucky that I have those.

Wow, what a powerful question. So my father died when I was 19. He died, the evening of the great cup, the Canadian football league championship game. And I was out partying the night before that night, he had actually asked me to stay home and I said, no, I'm going out with my friends. So I really beat myself up a lot about that. But the way that I coped on the long-term was I remember a conversation, uh, dad and I had on the, on the orange coach shortly before he died.

Andrew. Hey, it's 11, 15, or about PM on a Friday night. Just came across your question. And, uh, first of all, let me say, I appreciate You, I appreciate what you do with high school kids. That's a tough gig side from what I do with coaching. I go into high schools and help, uh, kids start a student led leadership groups. So, um, yeah, I know a little bit about what you do, but anyways, your question, how do you cope with the death of a loved one? Well, let me, let me answer it for me personally, being a Christian, I have faith in knowing that I'm going to see them again. My brother-in-law died several years ago. My mom died in 2011. The hope that I have in terms of seeing them carries me out through the day, um, still miss him, want to see him one day and I have that hope. All right, buddy. Keep on inspiring.

It sounds like your father. Well, my mother was in the same, the same position. She never got to be a grandmother and, um, she saw me get married, but she, she had Alzheimer's. So toward the end, I was there all the time. I used to, I used to fly from Philadelphia back to Kansas, you know, more than twice, uh, twice a month, once a month, just to take care of her and stuff. But I have an identical twin brother. He did not spend time with her. So he was really broken up that he didn't spend the time. So like you say, you have so many memories that you draw from that they're, they're not completely lost, so yeah. Uh, I, a very good point. So yeah. Thanks for responding.

Yeah, I'm glad that that resonated with you. But then on the lighter side, lighter note, I guess my mother never got to see me be able to sit in my pajamas all day and work at a legitimate it job for a major bank and make like good money sitting in my pajamas all day. She never saw the point where yeah, You could work remotely and make a decent living. So I kind of feel bad that she didn't get to see that. But then again, I don't know if she doesn't see it now. So, just to add that and, thanks for responding.