Abuse (physical & mental)
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What is Physical and Emotional Abuse? (Definition)
Many of the pages in this section of the site fall within the abuse category. Though being specific, abuse is both physical and mental. The dictionary definition is “to treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.”
From the victim’s point of view and while receiving abuse, it is often hard to notice when it is happening, as it can seem to be distorted. There are occasions when the abuse is wrongly viewed as an act of love. For example, a partner becomes enraged when the other partner is seen with a member of the opposite sex. Immaturity and insecurities take over, and either a barrage of verbal or physical abuse is unleashed. Many times in this situation, the partner is excused, as “they simply love me.” The wrongful act often bypasses common sense and is seen in a different light by the abused.
There are so many examples of what constitutes abuse. Abuse could be from anyone. A partner, a family member, a spouse, an employer, the list goes on. If you find yourself in one or more of these situations, you should strongly consider if this is the proper relationship for you, or if you can find a safer place to be. Situations like this can often escalate quickly once the victim realizes they are being abused. Though getting out and locating a safe place should be your priority.
Sometimes, depending on how volatile the abuser is, you may want to carefully plan your move to safety. Though above all else, you should plan on ending the abuse.
Below is a list of many examples, though if you feel that you are being abused, please do more research. Speak to others to gain perspective.
Examples of Physical Abuse
- Name-calling (including derogatory pet names)
- Character assassination (a malicious and unjustified harming of your good reputation - lying to others behind your back about you)
- Yelling at you.
- Patronizing (verbally putting you down)
- Public Embarrassment (makes fun of you in public or causes a scene in public)
- Dismissiveness (dismisses what you say as having value)
- Insults to your appearance (makes fun or talks down to you about your clothing)
- Belittling accomplishments (makes fun or talks down to you about what you have achieved)
- Puts down your interests (dismisses or talks down to you about your passions, hobbies or interests)
- Direct orders (demands that you do things that very moment. Orders you about as though they own you)
- Goading then blaming (leading you into an argument, then turning it around to say that you started it)
- Kicking, biting, or choking you, pulling your hair, punching or slapping
- Forbidding you from eating or sleeping
- Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
- Using weapons to threaten to hurt you or themselves, or actually hurting you or themselves with weapons
- Trapping you in your home or keeps you from leaving
- Preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
- Withholding prescriptions
- Harming your children
- Abandoning you in unfamiliar locations
- Driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them
- Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol
Examples of Emotional Abuse
- Calling you names, insulting, or continually criticizing you.
- Refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive.
- Trying to isolate you from family or friends.
- Attempting to control who you see, where you go, what you do, or any other aspect of your life.
- Demanding to know where you are every minute.
- Punishing you by withholding affection.
- Threatening to hurt you, the children, your family, or your pets.
- Humiliating you.
- Blaming you for the abuse.
- Gaslighting.
- Accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships.
- Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior.
- Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again.
- Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc., than you are.
- Attempting to control your appearance or presentation: clothing, makeup, binders, prosthetics, wigs, etc.
- Referring to you by the wrong pronouns or calling you “it.”
- Telling you that you will never find anyone better or that you are lucky to be with a person like them.
- Making you feel like you’re not good enough.
Examples of Financial Abuse
- Giving an allowance and closely watching how you spend it or demanding receipts for purchases.
- Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying you access to it.
- Preventing you from viewing or having access to bank accounts.
- Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you can work.
- Maxing out credit cards in your name without permission or not paying the bills on credit cards, which could ruin your credit score.
- Stealing money from you or your family and friends.
- Using funds from children’s savings accounts without your permission.
- Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household.
- Making you give them your tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns.
- Refusing to provide you with money to pay for necessities/shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care and medicine.
Examples of Digital Abuse
- Tells you who you can or can’t be connected with on Facebook, Snapchat, and other social media.
- Sends you negative, insulting, or even threatening emails, posts, tweets, snaps, or other messages online.
- Uses apps/sites like Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, foursquare, and others to keep constant tabs on you.
- Puts you down in their status updates.
- Sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and demands you send some in return.
- Pressures you to send explicit video.
- Shares explicit photos/videos of you without your consent (aka revenge porn)
- Steals or insists on being given your passwords.
- Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished.
- Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts, and outgoing calls.
- Tags you unkindly in photos on Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, etc.
What Does Physical Abuse Look like? (what does it look and feel like?)
*If the only thing someone does (for example) is to withhold affection from you as they are upset, this does not constitute abuse. You should consider the combined actions. Are they persistent and careless? or are they reacting and not choosing the best response for the moment? It can be easy to look at the lists of examples below and put someone into the category of being an abuser. If you are unsure, I would most certainly speak with someone, as these actions, left unchecked could detrimentally affect your future and the potential of who you could become in life. - If you are unsure, obtain that second opinion.
In the early stages of my dating years, I may have acted inappropriately. I may have pouted, not spoken to someone as I was upset, I may have been jealous, or want to know who my girlfriend was talking to just now. But that was the evolution of me, and over time I grew up. I gained emotional intelligence and learned from my mistakes, of which there were many. And I am still learning to this day.
All of this falls under the S.E.L (social-emotional learning) and how we were shown by those around us in our formative and young adult years how to handle these emotional hurdles most of us face in a lifetime. Though mostly this way of repeating this form of treating others was formed in our minds, by modeling. (Seeing our parents react a specific way and learning from their actions)
This can be both good and bad, depending upon the emotional intelligence of your parents. Sometimes it might be needed to find a better role model for learning how to treat others with respect.
No one should be expected to put up with a constant barrage of abuse, but just like my early dating years, we all begin somewhere. And as long as we can learn from our mistakes and grow with time, it does not mean we are being abused or are an abuser. Having said that, pouting is one thing, but laying hands on is another. Or daily belittling, or insulting or yelling at someone IS ABUSE.
It is at times like this, while maybe you ate earning to handle your own confused emotions about it all, that you should stop and remove yourself from a situation.
The most foundational method of thinking should be to treat others how you would like to be treated. Maybe that would be to be treated as an equal, as a peer, as a partner, with respect, that space you take up matters and that your opinion matters.
I think as you go down the list of what constitutes abuse, you may discover you have unwittingly performed some of these actions yourself. Some are certainly not as bad as others, and some are things that as we learn how to treat others with respect, we change in a heartbeat, and will no longer perform these actions again. Gaslighting is particularly insidious, to purposefully manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
Many of these aspects are learned wrongly from inappropriate role models and from being abused ourselves. They are derived from and results of years of being treated badly. But it is up to us to end those cycles.
Sexual Abuse and Coercion
Since this section is highly explicit, and this app is for schools and young adults. You can rest assured that if any form of abuse happens that is sexual in nature. You need to tell an adult, or seeks help as soon as you can. Any form of inappropriate and unwanted touching should not be tolerated. If you are unsure, please use the safe contact numbers for phone and text on this page. If you have specific questions, please search for what constitutes sexual abuse with your favorite search engine.
What Are The Repercussions of Abuse? (physically and mentally)
The ramifications of abuse can be massive. From the things, you would certainly expect to be a manifestation of abuse, to things that science is only just beginning to understand. Negative emotions and stress release Catecholamines. The constant release of catecholamines can create negative psychological and physical outcomes. The Three Major Stress Hormones are Adrenaline, Cortisol, Norepinephrine. And while all hormones have a part to play in our normal healthy lifestyle, the constant release of these hormones can be unhealthy for us with long-term effects.
Simply put, Epigenetic refers to the way in which our genes express themselves. Aspects of our genes may be turned on or off (for good or bad) dependent upon the chemicals they are bathed in on a regular basis. Love and feel-good hormones, such as Dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin can elevate our gene expression. Whereas stress and fear bathe our cells in endorphins and cortisol and can down-regulate a cell’s potential. Long term, a cell might down-regulate so much that it becomes unhealthy.
Long-term effects of abuse can lead to cancer and other serious illnesses and diseases, simply through the epigenetic effects of the chemical you are releasing in response to stress, anger, and fear.
Although the severity of outcomes may vary, the repercussions of abuse can be the following:
- Physical health problems
- Mental health problems
- Eating disorders
- Alcohol and substance abuse
- Aggression, violence, and criminal behavior
- High-risk sexual behavior
- Homelessness
- Panic attacks and anxiety
- Flashbacks to abuse
- Feelings of self-hate and low self-esteem
- Fearing people and relationships
- Suicidal thoughts
Overcoming and Ending Abuse
EDIT THE FOLLOWING CONCEPTS INTO A POST:
Meditation, Positive affirmations, “I love myself” “I am worthy” “I am beautiful.” exercise, kickboxing, self-defense, running, yoga, get better friends, create art, paint, design, build things. Listen to music, make music, walk in nature, writing, creative writing, journaling, get counseling.
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